Sunday, July 20, 2003
@ 05:42am
| Entry no.268 | damn you mister sandman!

Blah... the boyfriend's passed out, and me... I'm awake and online and trying my darnest to not wake him up with the incessant clacking. Still sick... tossed and turned for the better part of two hours. If anyone knows my sleeping schedule at all, knows that I don't even fall asleep til now. Ha, I'm surprised I didn't wake him up with all my coughing.

Oh! I got my toys from him. They're loud, and get on your nerves after a while, needless to say, I [heart]ed them. Very cute. Good job, sweetie! I'm so childish, and I get easily amused by shiny things. I've got to wonder about myself sometimes. Like, will I ever grow out of this phase? I don't particularly enjoy being the silly little goof all the time. I mean, granted, it keeps both me and everyone else around me amused, but goshdarnit, I need to kick my own ass and grow the fxck up.

Anywhoo, we ducked into a Taco Bell earlier in the night, and I wound up grabbing a soda and the kid behind the register was flirting with me, so I thought, heck, why not, it'll amuse me. I managed to get quite a bit of conversation in before my sweetie came back. Totally killed it though. The poor kid just shut up, and then we just left. I yelled at my sweetie as soon as we got into the car though. I was like, Damnit, 3 more minutes with the kid, and I could have scored his number. That's always fun isn't it? Trying to pick up guys when you're out with your boyfriend? I'm such the perfect girlfriend. I am the perfect girlfriend usually. I mean, I get along great with their friends, because I have that ability to just charm the pants off of people. I understand how guys need free time and if they want to have a night out with the boys, that he can just have one without all the crap that goes along with it. I'm sweet when I want to be, caring, and uhm.... sex-crazed, which is probably what every guy wants his girlfriend to be.

Hmph, the only problem is, why can't I play the role of the perfect girlfriend entirely this relationship? No, I'm not going to mention what's wrong, because no one knows, or could even begin to understand, except one person ... and well. ((shrugs)). I just don't know. It's almost two months. I should be getting somewhat more serious about this. I mean, I'm serious about it, don't get me wrong. But... just not quite at that point yet. Damn! I wish I could talk about my situation with someone without fear of judgment. But nope, I get to deal with everything in my screwed up little head, where things get all blown out of proportion and misconstrued, and nothing ever gets solved.

Anyway, I see that Mike's online at this unholy hour, and talking to people is always better than talking to myself. so, <33 toodles

( 1 ) deep dark secret revealed  unburden your soul  ( memory/edit )

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dwelling in the memory of:: July 20th, 2003
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